


Grace and Gold

by mishkinat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Gabriel (Supernatural), Angelic Grace, Angels, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brother Feels, Caring Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Good Parent Chuck Shurley, Hurt Gabriel, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Little Brother Castiel, M/M, Nightmares, Protective Castiel, Protective Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-05-14 04:52:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14762939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishkinat/pseuds/mishkinat
Summary: Gabriel's recovery from Asmodeus isn't an easy road, but he has plenty to care for him and that's what matters.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will be chaptered, which is a feat for me! I will try my best. I love all of these characters and want to do them justice. This is gonna be a mix of angst and fluff. I'll tell you now I'm a sucker for a happy ending though :)

As Gabriel lowered himself down onto the chair he felt like a lost human child. Sam Winchester sat beside him, with infinitely more of a presence than he could give off in his current state. How much seven long years had changed the archangel. The stinging burn of Sam's pitying gaze cut Gabriel deep and so he dared not meet his eyes.

"Gabriel. You know I won't hurt you, right? Gabriel, I'm so sorry." Sam spoke his name so softly and very gently lifted the angel's chin with his finger, "I'll get these stitches out." Gabriel closed his eyes tight, trying to keep back the flood of emotion that could very easily be released at the next kind gesture. As Sam tore the threads that locked his mouth closed he felt a warm glow warm through his body, a rush of hope. Yet all too soon he was hyper aware and the cold metal at his lips, and Sam's slightly too jerky hand or the overwhelming fear in the back of his mind that Asmodeus was just two steps behind him was enough to send a shiver of panic through his spine and send him shaking in fear under Sam's grasp. He had been broken. 

"It'll be okay, Gabe." Sam whispered, not entirely sure where to put his hands but eventually resting a hand on Gabriel's shoulder. Sam could feel Gabriel jolt and quake beneath him, how cruel a world that could reduce an angel to this state. 

"Come on, I'll help you up. I can take you into my room and you can get some rest." Gabriel didn't respond or acknowledge Sam's words but allowed himself to be led down the winding corridors of the bunker until he was swaying in the doorway of a dimly lit room which was simply decorated but enough to feel cosy and enough for Sam to call home. 

"Do you want to sit down on the bed?" Sam made sure to be careful of his every movement. Gabriel looked down at his torn up feet, bruised and dirty and shook his head. Sam tilted his head in confusion, "What can I do to make you feel safe?"

Gabriel opened his mouth to reply but quickly closed it again for fear of breaking out into a sob. He didn't understand himself, everything was making him emotional and the preciousness of Sam's care was pushing him over the edge. He saw Sam step closer with the intention to pull him into a hug, but turned away out of pride. He didn't want to seem so low.

"Gabe, it's okay. I know you're not okay. It's okay." Sam gently tugged at Gabriel's dirty sleeve and that simple action was enough for Gabriel to hunch over and fall to his knees sobbing. Sam's heart dropped in his chest and sorrow filled him as he wrapped an arm around the broken man. Gabriel's sobs wracked his chest and his fingers clung to Sam's shirt for support with a surprising grip. Sam ran a hand gently down Gabriel's dirty tangled hair to soothe him and began to gently rock him. The fear and overwhelming emotions that Sam himself had felt after his liberation were mirrored on the angel's face and frame. It made his stomach twist to see another experience it, let alone one of the most divine beings in existence. Sam swallowed at the raw feeling in his throat building up at the realisation that nothing was safe. He held Gabriel tighter until the angel's sobs wore off and he was sitting with his eyes avoiding Sam and flushing red at the embarrassment of having been so open with his emotions. 

"Come on Gabriel, let's try and get you into bed. You need some rest. I'll watch over you." Sam raised Gabriel from the floor and helped him lay on the bed, letting Gabriel get himself comfortable. The angel turned his face away from Sam so that he could not see his fear at the idea of falling asleep. 

"I'll watch over you, Gabe. You are safe here." Sam patted Gabriel's shoulder and sat at the foot of the bed. It turned out that Gabriel was indeed exhausted, and no matter how hard he tried to fight off sleep, he drifted off with a whimper at the thought of being reduced to a state so human. Sam lay his head in his hands and sighed deeply at the day's events. Poor, poor Gabriel. He hated himself for the pity he felt as he hated when pity was directed at him. But it was impossible not to. The archangel was covered in dirt and blood. He appeared grey and stoic instead of the charming, bounding waves of grace and golden energy he once paraded with pride. Sam dared not think of the horrors they inflicted upon Gabriel but from personal experience he had an inkling. Sam slumped into his hands, falling asleep himself with these dark thoughts the last thing on his mind. 

Sam awoke with a start to the sound of pained whimpering growing louder. He looked over to see Gabriel wincing and twisting in the sheets, sweat drenching his clothes and making his hair stick to his face. His breathing was loud and breathless, his face grimacing and twisting with fear and pain. 

"Gabriel, Gabriel wake up." Sam placed a hand on Gabriel's shoulder and knelt beside him. When he did not stir, he shook him slightly which was enough to bring him out of his dark memories with a scream and shot up panting and clutching his chest. "You're safe, you're safe. Just a nightmare." Sam pulled Gabriel close and comforted him again. Nightmares. All his life he had been plagued with them, and so had his brother Dean. They were the deepest, nastiest reminders of his failures and pains and at least every week something from his past would be dredged up as he lay in the dark trying to rest. It hurt him to see Gabriel so vulnerable, but he knew it would hurt Gabriel more. 

"Gabriel, would it help if I cleaned you up? Maybe a bath would help."

Gabriel looked up, his breath slowly returning to him, and nodded reluctantly. 

"I'm glad you trust me, Gabriel. It means a lot. You know I just want to help you." Sam's voice was ever gentle. Gabriel knew Sam wanted to help, and was incredibly grateful for it. Yet he did not want to show Sam his scars, or talk about what had happened to him. He didn't want Sam to see him so vulnerable and naked and without grace.

Sam helped steady Gabriel into the bathroom where Gabriel fixed his gaze on the floor the whole time. The sound of water crashing into the bath was loud, which worried Sam but soothed Gabriel. Sam took some comfort in that.

"Do you want me to help you get those rags off?" 

Gabriel grew red at the question even though he knew it was coming. His whole body ached, but he was not so incompetent. He slowly peeled off the ragged trousers, thoroughly in shame at being so bare. He tried to pull off the shirt but it was too sore so he cried out in pain and then frustration. Sam helped him out of his shirt and then he was standing there naked. Gabriel raised a hand to his face and closed his eyes, he could not bare to see Sam's face. Instead, Sam gently led him into the bath and Gabriel let out a satisfied moan as the water soaked his skin. Shortly after he sucked in breath as the cuts stung but they shortly faded. Sam's stomach turned as the water moved the dirt from Gabriel's skin and revealed the deep red marks, lacerations and deep black bruises which littered his body. His back was a mess of long lines and torn flesh. There was evidence of burns and cuts and whips and chains which made Sam's stomach knot and twist with empathy. Gabriel cupped water in his hand and washed his face, wincing as the cuts stung but happy at the replenishment it brought with it. It was like a screwed up kind of baptism. 

"Here, I'll help you wash your hair." 

Sam gently ran a cup of warm water through the angel's hair and lathered it gently with shampoo. He gently massaged his scalp which further helped relax him. Occasionally, shampoo would run into one of his cuts and it would sting like hell, but he tried his best not to show it as Sam's relaxing hands and movements were reinstalling that hope he felt earlier. Again, here he tried to speak and open his mouth but the words would not come. He frowned at this.

"It's alright, Gabriel. It'll come." 

Sam noticed everything. Gabriel gave the quickest of smiles. After Sam had delicately untangled the knots and rid Gabriel's hair of dirt and blood, he helped Gabriel out of the bath. The water was thick with dirt and blood, which Gabriel was ashamed of. Sam grabbed a towel and wrapped it around the angel, restoring some of his dignity. Gabriel squeezed his hand in a gesture of gratitude. Sam smiled, "I got you." And he led him back down to his room and sat him on the chair.

"I'll just quickly change the sheets, and I'll grab you something warmer. I'll be two minutes." 

Gabriel fiddled with is hands as Sam left the room. Panic arose in his chest again. He was alone. And when he was alone, things could get him. Asmodeus and the demons and Lucifer and the torture all danced before him in his mind, taunting. Yet just as he was about to slip into panic, Sam returned and whatever grasp he had over his own sanity restored itself.

Sam changed the sheets and a fresh smell filled the air, reminding Gabriel of the spring and the sun. It made him feel warm inside. 

"I don't have anything in your size, but I have this blanket. Is that okay? You can wear one of my shirts if you'd like-" Gabriel shook his head and took the blanket. It was soft and white and didn't have an itchy, restrictive collar. The words to try and explain that did not come, but Sam accepted the sight before him. Gabriel huddled himself in the large blanket and although it wasn't clothes, it was safe and it was warm. Sam sat with Gabriel on the bed in silence. It was not awkward, and Sam held the angel in his arms and comforted him with a shared knowledge of the horrors of trauma. Eventually they both drifted off to sleep again, huddled together in each other's arms.

 

When Sam awoke, he broke into a smile of pure awe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short update for now :) Will get back into things properly soon <3

When Sam awoke, he was struck with pure awe and a deeply reaching fear. His heart raced with terror but the beautiful sight before him led to a beaming smile stretching across his face. The sight before him was so divine that he felt any movement could destroy it, or himself. 

"Gabriel?" Sam breathed. Gabriel was standing, hunched over slightly and still in incredible pain. Yet, his whole being was giving off a radiant golden light which shimmered and sent rays dancing down the walls as the angel clenched, unclenched and then out-stretched his hand to reach Sam's wrist. His light was so pure that Sam couold barely tell where the blanket ended and the light began. As the angel looked up, Sam could see that his eyes too were beaming golden, glittering light.

"Thank you, Sam." Gabriel smiled softly and pure. Sam took a stunned breath, both at the fact Gabriel was actually talking and at the fact that the Trickster guise had completely shattered and what was left in front of him was the innocence and grace of the angels he'd dreamed of and imagined as a small child. Gabriel's heavenly being was beautiful and it terrified Sam to the core. Gabriel let out a soft groan, and the golden light radiated brighter and it become so bright Sam had to squint, but he got a soft pang in his chest when he noticed the sharp contrast between the golden rays and the deep red cuts and black bruises. 

"Gabriel, what's happening? Are you okay?" Sam crept forward and tried to steady the angel, who with a cry fell to the ground. The light dimmed around him, and all Sam could make out was a crooked halo, which had golden jagged thorns casting off it in all directions. Sam hardly had time to register how painful that looked before the light flickered and blew out like a candle. Gabriel was left rocking on the floor with screwed up eyes, massaging his temples and breathing hard.

Sam slipped off the bed and gently wrapped an arm around him, relieved when the angel drew in towards him instead of scurrying away in fear.

Gabriel sucked in a breath between his teeth and sighed, the last wave of pain seeming to leave him. The two sat in silence for a moment, contemplating what had just happened.

"Gabe, what was that?" Sam asked as gently as he could.

"My body," his voice was hoarse and weak, "it can tell I'm really low on grace. The spark that's left tried to ignite, which you helped to do." He coughed pathetically and grimaced in embarrassment. "It's trying to replenish itself as fast as it can but I guess I'm too," he swallowed the rising feeling in his throat, "broken for it to hold." The last part of the sentence trailed off in an almost inaudible whisper. He'd cry if he weren't so exhausted.

Sam just pulled him closer, "It's okay, Gabe. In time, all of this will heal. And you'll be safe for all of it. I promise." 

Gabriel said nothing but tightened his grip on Sam's wrist in acknowledgement. 

"You looked so...beautiful, in the light." Sam whispered

Gabriel cocked his head slightly and gave the briefest of smiles. "That's what Mary said. It's quite the party trick for heavenly favours when you're not a drained pig like me." Gabriel tried to inflict his words lightly and jokingly, but it fell flat on Sam who could tell he was deadly serious.

"Hey, I've got you." Sam ran a hand gingerly through the angel's hair. The movement caused Gabriel to sink into his arms as tears streamed down his cheeks; Sam could tell he was trying his best to hold in the chest-wracking sobs.

" _It hurts so much_." Gabriel spat the words with as much venom as his weak voice would allow him before burying his head in his hands and sobbing deeply. Sam swallowed hard and pulled the angel in close, fighting back his own tears as the angel twisted in agony.

"I've got you, I've got you here." Sam whispered anything soothing he could think of into his ear and gently rocked him until the angel's body grew too weary of crying and pain that it lulled him into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading :D Dean and Cas will appear next chapter

As morning approached, Sam rubbed his eyes and stretched. He had had a rough sleep but cast that out of his mind as he glanced down at the shivering angel who still lay deeply asleep. Gabriel's suffering pained him deeply and it hurt to watch him go through it. He gently and carefully wrapped him up in another blanket and crept out the room to get some coffee. He'd need it to stay alert enough to look after someone so broken.

Just as he took the first sip of the coffee and began to shake off the drowsiness, his phone rang. It was Dean.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, man. Me and Cas are just hittin' the road. We'll be back at the bunker tonight. Everything's fine here...how is it over there?" Dean's voice quietened at the end in case Gabriel could hear.

"He trusts me at least. But Dean, he's really in bad shape."

Dean sighed at the other end of the line, "The guy's a pain in the ass but, yeah I feel awful for him. Listen, we'll be back to help as soon as we can. We've picked up some stuff that could help him too."

"Thanks Dean, I'll see you both tonight."

"Bye Sammy."

As he hung up the phone, Sam drew a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair to calm his thoughts before heading back into the room. The dust from the whole situation was beginning to settle and he felt way out of his depth. Of course he would try his best to help the angel, but he had a nagging feeling at the back of his mind that he wouldn't be able to give enough. His own trauma was already creeping back up, thoughts he'd tried to work through but ultimately never could get over haunted him and seeing the state of Gabriel didn't help matters. Another deep breath and clarity hit. He had to try his best at least. 

 

Gabriel awoke shivering cold and drenched in sweat. It was an ugly feeling. He cast his eyes up to Sam, who stood towering at the doorway.

"I-is this really what it's like? B-being human?" Gabriel huddled in on himself with eyes wide, teeth chattering and limbs jolting.

Sam shook his head, "Not always. It's usually illness that causes a fever like what you've got. Or shock. How do you feel?" 

"Not good." Gabriel groaned. Sam frowned and placed a hand on Gabriel's forehead. It was unbelievably hot. Gabriel leaned in at the touch, which caused a flutter in Sam's heart that he quickly ignored. 

"Do you think medicine will help you?" Sam found panic rising in his throat.

Gabriel shook his head and moaned gently. His head was thumping. Gabriel froze at his realisation. "Wait." He grabbed Sam's wrist with clammy hands.   
  


"What's wrong?" Sam held Gabriel's hand gently in his free one and lowered himself down to sit beside him.

"T-the nightmares." Gabriel cleared his throat and looked away, "Angels don't dream."

Sam nodded, "You're low on grace right now and close to human. Maybe we could try the medicine?"

Gabriel grimaced but nodded. The feeling of being so hot whilst shivering was only adding to his discomfort. Sam walked across the room in quick steps and took some pills from the cupboard, filled a glass of water and returned as quick as he could. Gabriel quickly took the glass and pills and downed them both almost instantly. Both Sam and Gabriel were shocked at how much he had needed the water, Gabriel himself hadn't realised. 

"Gabriel, I know this is awkward but I need to see your wounds. I think some of them have gotten infected. Hell, I'd be surprised if they hadn't." 

Gabriel grew red in the face and turned his head away. It was shameful for him to seem so weak. But he felt his shivers, and the heat radiating through his body. The stabbing pains in his head and the overall ache of his body and spirit paired with the fact that Sam's presence was the only thing keeping the darkness from fogging up his mind made Gabriel realise he was being prideful for no reason. Gabriel closed his eyes, took a shaky breath and slowly dropped the blankets from around his shoulders. The cool air from the room brushed past his skin and wounds, making him shiver all the more. Gabriel hated that even after it was all over, the torture at the hands of Asmodeus and his demons still caused him so much pain. He gritted his teeth to bite back a sob. The strong emotional reaction to his own trauma was annoying to Gabriel, he didn't want to feel such misery which just ended in him getting frustrated, starting the cycle again. Sam gently placed a hand on Gabriel's shoulder, causing them to relax instantly. He hadn't realised he had become so tense.

"H-how's it looking?" The stabbing pain in his head was increasing. He just wanted to lie down and turn off.

Sam swallowed. He hadn't been able to bring himself to look at the full extent of Gabriel's wounds until now. It was an ugly sight and he felt guilty for not looking sooner. Whilst some cuts were healing nicely, and some bruises had turned lighter, the gaping wounds on his back were burning red and swollen. The infection must have made already excruciating wounds unbearable. 

"We'll fix it."

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the delay here been so busy this week :) a short one I know but it's a bridge for the next chapter. cas has wings its easier ok.

By the time Dean and Cas arrived back at the bunker, Gabriel was sleeping again. Nobody spoke a word and hardly dared to breathe as this was the most peaceful he'd looked since his return.

"We got some fresh clothes, some food and a bunch of doctor-y crap to help out." Dean whispered. 

"Thanks, Dean. This will be good for him." Sam softly smiled and very carefully, so to not wake him, placed the bags at the bottom of the bed.

Castiel had remained quiet, his gaze fixed on his big brother the whole time with sorrow clearly written on his face. Dean gently placed a hand on his shoulder; he knew exactly how Cas was feeling.

"Whoa, what's going on?" Dean jumped in fright as Gabriel winced in his sleep and began to radiate again. Sam noticed it wasn't as bright this time.

"It's his grace. It's broken." Cas stepped forward towards the light and placed a hand on his brother's forehead. "It's a spell." Cas swallowed it was worse than he'd anticipated, and what he thought was already bad. 

"What do you mean? He didn't say anything to me about a spell." Sam asked.

"His halo has been cursed in a particularly cruel and embarrassing way, especially for an archangel. It must hurt a lot. Wait a minute." Cas stepped closer, looking directly into the light. He turned to face the Winchesters with confusion, "He's been warded. It's carved into one of his wings. I've seen this before but- I can't remember where." Castiel furrowed his brow and let out an exasperated sigh.

As the golden light receded, Gabriel jolted awake and groaned in pain. Sam and Cas instinctively took a step towards him but Dean did the opposite, he felt it wasn't his place. 

"Cas?" Gabriel moaned and wrapped his hand around his sleeve, "So good to see you, brother."

"I just wish it was not like this." Castiel lowered himself down to sit beside Gabriel, who had begun shivering again.

"Gabe, we got you some clothes, it might help you feel more comfortable." Sam went to pick up the bag.

"Hell, you're speaking like I'm dying, Sam. But thanks."

Gabriel took the bag from Sam, who was mentally kicking himself for making Gabe uncomfortable. He pulled the t-shirt over his head in great pain, but successfully managed it. When he managed to pull the jeans on, he rested his head back against the wall and moaned.

"Sure feels like death." His tone was empty.

"So what's the plan? How do we fix you?" Dean asked. He may not be so good with emotions, but he was ready for action.

"I really don't know." Gabe breathed in sharply.

"There's got to be something." Sam pleaded.

"I know." Castiel spoke confidently. "I have a plan. I'm going to find God."

And with that, Cas disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading as ever comments are greatly appreciated <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading <3

A few days after Castiel left, Gabriel slowly stopped speaking again. Sam noticed he seemed to be regressing at it troubled him. They no longer needed to worry about making him flinch or jump because Gabriel's mind was so far away Sam was convinced he didn't entirely know where he was.

_Castiel. Please. Hurry. Now._

Sam was getting restless, and Dean took note.

"Sammy, he's going to come back." He said whilst handing him a beer.

"I know, Dean. I'm just worried it won't be in time."

"I don't get why God hasn't showed up already. It's  _God._ "Dean drew a deep breath and groaned at the lack of a solution. Apparently even knowing God wasn't enough for things to be even slightly peaceful for them. 

"God works in mysterious ways," Sam joked but the bitterness of the statement didn't escape Dean. It surprised him, even, especially as to how Sam acted around Chuck the last time they met.

After a few moments of silence, Dean sighed and spoke in a softer tone, "Sam. What if he is too late?"

Sam didn't reply.

 

Hours later, the brothers sat with Gabriel in the dark room he had made his shelter. He was a lot more lucid now and even talking. His voice was scratchy and it hurt to just look at him because the amount of pain the angel was in was as if it were radiating off him and into Sam.

"Gabe, we're so glad you're speaking again." Sam pulled a chair closer to the bed and leaned into it.

"Mm yeah. First time that sentence has ever been spoken. Congrats." Gabriel tried to smile but he felt like he should have died long before now.

"Gabriel, do you know anything about a spell? Or warding?" Dean was desperate to get to business.

"Bit vague. What do you mean?"

"In regards to...well, you?"

Gabriel drew in a long ragged breath and closed his eyes, "I know what you mean, Dean. And I don't think Cas entirely gets it. This thing is strong."

"Cas can fix this."

"Don't overestimate him..." Gabriel trailed off. It was more reactionary that what he actually thought. "We'll see." 

Gabriel groaned again as another wave of agony rushed over him. 

It was going to be a long wait for all of them.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter for a few weeks as I'm going away on a an archaeological dig tomorrow <3

When Cas found Chuck, a bitter wave of disappointment overtook him. Chuck was sitting on a bench in a park in the middle of nowhere, just softly smiling to himself. How could he not help? How could he act like nothing was happening? It hurt Castiel deep to know his Father was capable of ignoring him, but cut him deeper to think negatively of him after so long of faith and love. It left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"Father..." Castiel began to speak but could not find the right words. It had been too long.

"Castiel, come sit beside me. It's another beautiful day."

Despite the urge to be defiant, Castiel nodded and sat.

Chuck turned to him and looked intently, struggling to understand...which was worrying to Chuck, seeing as he should know everything.

"You did make the day." Castiel said, and gave a soft smile. It was hard or himself to understand after spending so long in doubt and fear but now he was with his Father again, it was impossible not to feel the light and love. He made a promise to himself never to forget it. Clearly, something was wrong. Castiel was just too foolish to understand, by design or circumstance.

"Castiel, there is something worrying me." Chuck's tone was serious, "I cannot tell why you are worried." God frowned.

"I know." Castiel replied. The absurdity of the exchange was not lost on either of them.

"Tell me."

"Father," Castiel drew in a deep breath, "It's Gabriel. He's alive."

Chuck closed his eyes and took a pause. Without hesitating to ease his Father's concern, Castiel finished his sentence, "And he's warded against you."

"Okay. That makes sorta sense. How did that happen?"

"On his wing I noticed a warding carved in. I recognised it. From The Empty."

"The Empty?"

"It's the same one they use to keep you out."

"Alright." Chuck furrowed his brow. He had already formed a plan.

"Father...Gabriel. I know how much he means to you...to all of us. But...he's in a bad way."

"No worries, Castiel. Come with me. Have some faith."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading ... p.s. i love chuck too much for him to be an asshole

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :) I'll update tomorrow


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